How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
