Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my shit smells like andre
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
