Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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