Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
