I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
