I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We talked him into tasing himself.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
