oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
