I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
