I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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