Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I looked at my own cervix.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
