i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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