hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
