VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
