I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
