I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just pee around me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
