I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
