he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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