I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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