i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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