she was so not down for the gang bang
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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