i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
