you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
