i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
