you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
