Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
