I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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