my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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