Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Where is the hickey?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
