you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
