I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
