I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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