Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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