Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
