I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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