I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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