i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
