Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
