It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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