I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
