belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I party with great urgency now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
