If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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