How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
