Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
