I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
