i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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