Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
