Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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