Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
