During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
