Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
